It was the morning of June 23rd, 2006, less than 48 hours after our twins were born. Amy and I were headed home from the hospital and they and their little bobble heads were asleep in the back. Excitement and anxiousness permeated the car. Days and weeks that followed were an exercise in learning, adjustment, communication, grit, and love.
Years passed since that first trip home, and the reality is that our parenting life has afforded both of us one absolute understanding: It’s not what you do that’s most essential as a parent—it’s who you are becoming and what you are pursuing.
Sure, countless days filled with diaper changes, feedings, doctor visits, school events, rides to practice, and the like are important to make sure that our kids are growing up healthy, engaged, and happy. But beneath all these tasks, what we quickly learned was that the deepest aspiration of every parent couldn’t be that of a task master for my kids, or otherwise my kids and I would unnecessarily suffer in the process. As they say on the plane, you’ve got to put on your oxygen mask first before you can help others out.
Two decades later, as a father of 8 and a pediatric psychologist, I’ve come to an undeniable reality. Kids whose parents continually seek to grow—physically, psychologically, socially, and/or spiritually—and make this an expressed priority, will most likely be the ones who are healthy, engaged, and thriving, too. The parenting world is full of great intentions and deep desires, but unless we are parents prioritize developing our capacity as caregivers (and people), the tasks we accomplish will only take our kids so far, and we are in danger of becoming a loving casualty, not a model, along the way.
Imagine a household where conversations/priorities started like this:
“I’ve struggled with anxiety for a long time. I’m excited to work with someone to improve this.”
“I’ve never learned how to communicate that well, but I heard a podcast recently that gave me some ideas to improve.”
“I’m sure you’ve noticed I drink more than I should. I really want to find ways to handle stress better.”
“Wouldn’t it be great if we were all more active outdoors together.”
Kids need their parents “striving to thrive” more than anything else. It’s the best gift we can give them. Even better than a decked-out bedroom and a travel team.
For more information about the pursuit of health and flourishing in everyday life, see the following link: https://james-schroeder.com/tag/health/
To be part of a free, community wide event in Evansville entitled The Pursuit of Flourishing in an Anxious World, check out my social media for further details:
